Ray Rice , the Baltimore Ravens running back suspended by the NFL for two games after video showed him dragging his unconscious then-fiancée from an elevator , told reporters Thursday his actions were `` inexcusable . ''

`` You know that 's not me , '' he said . `` You know that 's something I have to live ... with the rest of my life . ''

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell said last week the running back would be suspended without pay for the first two games of the regular season .

Rice indicted on assault charge

He also was fined an additional game check for `` conduct detrimental to the NFL , '' according to a league news release . The total amount Rice loses in pay reportedly amounts to $ 529,411 .

Rice resolved the charges stemming from the incident with his now-wife , Janay , and entered a pretrial intervention program in May , the NFL said . Under the program , he wo n't be prosecuted , and the charges will be expunged after a year , the league said .

The punishments , both from the NFL and criminal justice system , were widely decried as too light , and it quickly spiraled into debates over domestic violence and victim blaming .

Jane McManus , an espnW.com columnist , asked what message the suspension sent to the women who make up 45 % of the NFL 's audience . She said that an NFL official assured her the league does n't tolerate domestic violence , `` but today I think we 're seeing a little bit of a different message -- and one that might be a lot louder . ''

Fellow ESPN commentator Stephen A. Smith was suspended by the network for a week after advising women not to behave in a way that might `` provoke wrong actions '' -- an assertion colleague Michelle Beadle publicly lambasted , tweeting , `` I 'm now aware that I can provoke my own beating . '' Smith has since apologized to Beadle and said he will strive to be more articulate in the future .

Meanwhile , CNN anchor Carol Costello took to a soap box to ask point-blank : `` What was the NFL thinking ? '' She questioned Coach John Harbaugh 's decision to call Rice a `` heck of a guy '' and the Ravens ' decision to tweet : `` Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident . ''

Costello also invoked many observers ' dismay over the suspension of Cleveland Browns receiver Josh Gordon , who was suspended for a year after testing positive for marijuana .

However , Gordon 's suspension for a second positive drug test is dictated by the league 's 2011 collective bargaining agreement , where Goodell is judge and jury when it comes to suspensions and fines for off-the-field conduct .

Speaking at Thursday 's news conference , Rice said he let down his family , teammates and the city of Baltimore . He said he knows his 2-year-old daughter might read about this on Google one day .

`` I let so many people down because of 30 seconds in my life that you know I know I ca n't take back . ''

Rice apologized to his wife and called her an `` angel '' who could do `` no wrong . ''

`` We 're in counseling . We 're taking the necessary steps to move forward , '' he said . `` My job is to lead my family , my job is to lead my wife , my job is to lead in whatever I do . And If I 'm not being the example , then my family crumbles .

He said violence -- `` especially man on woman '' -- is wrong and should n't be `` tolerated . '' He said he and his wife will speak out about domestic violence .

`` When the time is right we will go out there and help as many people as we can , '' he said .

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Ray Rice will miss first two games of the season

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There was widespread outcry over punishment

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He entered a pretrial intervention program in May

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Rice : Violence , especially man on woman , is unacceptable